Examples

Every speech I write is completely original, written solely for your use and comes with complete confidentiality. In other words, I promise not to give the game away. You’ll take full credit for every word of your speech.

Because of that, the below excerpts aren’t taken from any speeches I’ve sold but instead are fictional examples of the kind of speech I might write for you.

Take a look at my full list of products now to see what I can do for you.

Best man speech

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“Andrew is famous for never being where he’s meant to be. He’s been that way ever since we were in school together. I say in school together. What I actually mean is that I was in school. Andrew showed up when he could be bothered.

I’ve never known anyone better at throwing a sicky than Andrew. In one year alone he had everything from “Asthma” to “Zinc Deficiency”. And yet somehow he still managed to be at the pub every night. This was especially impressive as he was only fifteen at the time. And even more impressive as he looked approximately the same as he looks now… thirteen.”

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 Make him love you and loathe you all at once. Order your Best Man speech now!


Father of the bride speech

“For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Melvin and I’m the one who gave Julia away earlier. Those of you who do know me will know that giving her away wasn’t my choice. If I’d had my way I would never have given her away – I would have tried to fetch a good price instead.

Giving Juila away was my first job today, this is my second job, and my third job is to be the best dancer at the reception later. Julia was very insistent that I didn’t “have” to do the third job but I offered to do it anyway. That’s just the kind of person I am…”
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 Retirement speech

By Tammie6123 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons“The first day that Zoe started working here I gave her, what I thought, was the easiest job possible. Some forms to copy onto the system so we could call the customers.

These were customers we only had 24 hours to call back so it was very urgent. I left Zoe alone for about 30 minutes and, when I came back, all the forms had gone. Nervously, I asked her what she’d done with them

“Oh,” she said, “I put them in the shredder.”

Now I like to think I’m reasonable man. I’ve never actually killed an employee. But that day I came close. 50 claim forms in the waste. 50 customers would be calling us to complain. And there was Zoe smiling at me like she’d done the best job ever. I saw red. I felt like firing her, rehiring her and firing her again 50 times or more to make up for it.

Then I noticed she was pointing, one trembling finger, in the direction of the shedder. I followed it and there, on the shelf above the shredder, were 50 claim forms. She’d put them “on” the shredder. Not “in” the shredder..

20 years on, I still find myself waking up in a cold sweat because of that day…”
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